Freaking Bored
Man I'm sitting here at the front desk on a perfectly good Saturday Moring Freezeing my a$$ off. Man, this sucks. I'm so bored and cold and bored and cold an so on and so forth. Man, if it weren't for the fact that i'm getting paid to sleep, I might just flip out.
Anyways an e-mail went around the office yesterday and it was fantabluous. Check it
out!
Also Kenny sent around a cool thingy so have a look.....
GCSE METAPHOR HOWLERS
1) His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
2) She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
3) The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
4) The revelation that his marriage of thirty years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came like a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cash point.
5) The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
6) She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
7) She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature British beef.
8) She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
9) He was as tall as a six-feet-three-inch tree.
10) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds that had also never met.
11) The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
12) The red brick wall was like the colour of a brick-red crayon.
13) Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long that it had rusted shut.
14) Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
15) She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
16) It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
17) Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I can’t believe it’s not butter.”
18) McMurphy fell twelve storeys, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
19) Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
20) Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.
21) The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
22) It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
23) The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
24) The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan might just work.
25) The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
26) He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
